Hey beautiful, I couldn’t imagine what you must be feeling however my only advice to you is this:
After being in a routine of four years, saying good morning to each other and being so used to having each other in your lives and going to not talking much, it is a change and something to get used to. I think you should ask to see him and just talk about everything that went wrong, why it had ti finish and see how he truly feels. If he is strong on not coming back, then I suggest you read the heartbreak section of my Handling page to get a little something from that. But just know that right now, it is okay to cry and miss him and be upset and eat chocolate, but one day you will realise that you shared such great memories and it was a good experience however maybe that chapter of your life has now closed and it is time for something new and fresh. Draw on your friends and family but as I said, tal to him about it and see what happens. I am sorry that you are going through this.
Love Maddy xx - Always be Fab